What would happen if I touched plutonium?

Nothing. The most stable isotopes of plutonium (except plutonium-241) are alpha-emitters and alpha particles are effectively blocked by your skin and can't go through. You can use two paper sheets to block them, and usually a few meters of air is enough to stop alpha particles. read more

However, if you ingest plutonium, the alpha particles inside your body may cause you cancer. But touching plutonium isn't dangerous (although if there is plutonium dust on it you could inhale it and then it would be dangerous, but assuming there is no dust no danger is present). read more

Plutonium easily oxidizes in the air, and the oxide flakes of easily. The result is that touching it with bare hands is likely to have some of the plutonium pass through the skin, or be absorbed in the lungs, and that metal is very toxic. read more

As uranium biochemistry is quite nice and gentle compared with Pu biochemistry, I would not expect a person to get much of a dose from a uranium radionuclide even U-232 when compared with plutonium, a transplutonium element or radium. read more