For hints on how to look for a healthy relationship if you tend to be anxious-preoccupied, this blog post by Shepell is valuable: “Forming Healthy Relationships with an Anxious Attachment Style.” Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love by Levine and Heller has a lot of good advice for the preoccupied.
So when we talk about “the avoidant”, it is about characteristics shared by both the dismissive-avoidant and the fearful-avoidant. The two avoidant types (dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant) share a subconscious fear that caregivers are not reliable and intimacy is a dangerous thing.
Attachment: The First Core Strength – Provides a detailed description of the attachment bond and what you can do to promote secure attachment. (Scholastic.com) Bonding with Your Baby – One sheet about bonding and attachment with good list of suggestions for new mothers.