As Stosny describes it, symptomatic anger covers up the pain of our "core hurts." These key distressful emotions include feeling ignored, unimportant, accused, guilty, untrustworthy, devalued, rejected, powerless, unlovable—or even unfit for human contact (cf. John Bradshaw's "shame-based identity").
Contempt conveys the sense that you have a quality that is hopelessly un-fixable. What’s the alternative to contempt? Listening to understand, appreciate and agree is the opposite of listening dismissively with contempt. Another alternative to contempt in relationships is positivity.
Negative emotions also most likely aid in our survival. Bad feelings can be vital clues that a health issue, relationship or other important matter needs attention, Adler points out. The survival value of negative thoughts and emotions may help explain why suppressing them is so fruitless.
In this regard, imagining your own failure can be a major cause of performance anxiety. If you can find ways to distract yourself from your fear of failure, you can actually prevent the failure from happening. 7. Low self-esteem's danger to your emotional immunity.
Additionally, the fear of pain might make the phobic: Avoid new experiences; Fear going to new/different places; Avoid going to the doctor/dentist; Feel detached from reality; Have fearful thoughts about death or dying; Often, medical and dental pain agliophobics end up aggravating their medical/dental condition as they refrain from seeking help for it.
An emotional experience, by virtue of being a conscious experience, is necessarily a feeling, as are physical sensations such as hunger or pain (although not all conscious experiences are also feelings, not, for example, believing or seeing, presumably because they lack a somatic or bodily dimension).
Rather than becoming mired in emotional self-doubts, worry, and sadness, you can take actions that will help you see the world, and yourself, in a more positive light. When these actions don’t work, then it may be time to consult a mental health professional (a message Winch carries consistently throughout the book).
It is in relationship that we acquire emotional pain and it is in a different kind of relationship that we can obtain emotional repair. Good relationship engages both left and right brain. I note that Susan nods briefly at this, without saying as much, at the end of her piece.